confrontation

I never was really good at confronting people, I guess it all started when I was 12. After grade seven camp, there's this boy ... ( I guess you can call him my first CRUSH ) on msn he wrote down (L) J _ _ _ _ _ N (L) I asked him if that was my name, he quickly denied and carried on with another subject. As time flew, and more conversations emerged..I started to have this "funny" feeling in my tummy every time I hear the "bloop" on msn as his name pops online. On a certain day, he confessed saying He liked me ..and out of my crazy mind, i replied by ...bashing on him...I was like "WHAT? WTFF GO AWAYY" When to me, I was beyond crushing on him. Why? WHY did I bash like that? cause I was freaking scared. And yenno what that lead me to? Regretting for 5 years straight. Afterwards, it was just awkward and we both had to stop our connections between each other. That same grade (seven) I got confessed to as well...BY HIS FRIEND. .. at least it was on the phone, not msn. But please, MAKING YOUR FRIEND ASK FOR YOU? NO THANKS. "Hi um would you like to go out with my friend so&so" I don't know why, but no fearness or confusion took place, I replied with a simple ... "no". But now, grade 12..never would I expect for another confession..through technology (facebook message) I mean, seriously? Well i'm just glad he told me on msn but his profound english just throws me off - it makes me wanna just give up and ignore you for good. Sorry but, you're just another classmate to me. I had such a hard time telling you "no" when I finally did it today. I got so much support and courage from friends (Y) and for my ex bf? Yes, I finally talked to him for the first time after we broke up. Intense. I tapped him as he passed by me (as the usual , that he would ignore me ) and told him about his dress shirt and sweater. While the talk was in process, he smiled and through a sudden flash it felt like how it was before. It was like just me and him , no one else. I guess i'm really happy talking to him again, as friends for sure. Confronting isn't always easy, but having to do it...the outcome is just non-regrettable. All stress is free and no other worries have to be taken care of. I've womaned up.

I find myself smiling at anytime anywhere

It may all be an act, but it'll be worth the fun. I've been hurt too many times, and I will not make the same mistake. Friends as friends, and that's all it is :) Happy-go-lucky is where it's at.

nothing in this world can turn my smile upside down. Never in my life have I been happy for this long. Aside from the strange signals, and mixed up emotions, my life is better than Hawaii and it's paradise atmosphere combined.

p.s: found my prom dress & i'm ready to silk my way through prom ;) ;)